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I’ve recently been caught by the phrase “having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof”. I’ve always thought of denying as being the verbal (like Peter denying he knew the Lord). But another way to deny is to “disallow or prevent” (like denying entrance to a burglar or when you can’t remember your password and you see “access denied”).  It makes me wonder how many times I prevent or disallow His power because I am unwilling to press in… fearful… unaware…. or even unbelieving and just do what I’m used to. Kinda hits home. What “form” am I holding – what image of God do I represent? I don’t want to hold back His power in or through me. So my prayer is for an ever-increasing awareness of being in His presence and being led (as opposed to driven), being available and accessible for Him to move in His power (as opposed to my own) and resting in His outcome.  His form, His power – in my vessel.  May I be content with nothing less.

To be able to look at the world through the eye of thankfulness is a gift. I can receive the gift or reject it, but it is there nonetheless. There’s hopefully an upside to human nature – kindness toward (or even unexpectedly from) others, and the eternal hope that keeps the beach ball afloat despite the winds and waves. But the downside is that we often don’t exercise looking through thankful eyes unless we’re reminded to or we face loss and then we realize how good we’ve had it and how much we take for granted. Taking without thinking. Taking without fully and deeply experiencing. Dad was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and Don with neuropathy. As far as “hope”, neither offers any earthly hope for change or improvement. But we’ve also experienced the kindness of others as we face these diagnoses. The goodness of God expressed in the kindness of others giving. Giving with much thought and intentionality. Giving fully and deeply.

Another grace is that as our lives are altered, we choose to live in the present and embrace the future with faith and courage. As we look with grateful eyes as to what we’ve had together, we also celebrate the blessings we’ve received in deeper ways. Joy is discovered in “little things” as we realize how big they are! Are there really little things or maybe we just put them in that category when our eyes are not just taking it all in and joined with a heart that embraces them fully? Just because life can be hard, does not mean that it is not also good. Hard does not automatically equal bad – it just equals…well, hard. Period. But life is good and a gift to be enjoyed. And can be enjoyed and seen in a deeper dimension when we focus on the second part – but GOD is GOOD! When I focus on the goodness of God, it may not take away from the “hardness” I face, but it does put it into a different perspective. And when I put on the “eyes” that search for and find the goodness of God, often hard equals good. I see things I would miss had life not been hard; had I not had to face difficult decisions and experience the loss. Releasing the loss into the hands of a Good God enables me to embrace the joy, courage and faith. Release and embrace. Release what accompanies the “hardness” of life and embrace what accompanies the “goodness” of God.

There are times I realize I’m holding my breath psychologically. Waiting “for the other shoe to drop.” And many have. It’s not been raining cats and dogs, it’s been raining shoes! Falling around me, demanding that I wear a new one in addition to the ones already cramping my feet, hindering my freedom to walk according to my own schedule, my own paths. At least outwardly. Shoes like – Don’s neuropathy and the many doctor’s visits which bring neither answers nor relief; the boot that fell hard receiving the news that Dad has pancreatic cancer; the armored shoes where I’ve been covering other individuals (2 this past school year) and advocating for them despite criticism to them – putting  me in the line of fire; the shoe with tangled laces as we look to moving Mom/Dad here with us – all the details, costs, waiting, relational stuff working through decisions with sibs, etc.  And the shoe that keeps stretching as I grow, the one that has Jordon’s name on it which makes me walk in many unknown places – present demands, future unknowns. And another sandal that has very little holding it to my foot as I release many things into God’s hands – a friendship, expectations, a calling precious to my heart,  things which spur my passion and calling, devote my time to, tug at my heart –  to join His hand leading me to a set-apart time away with Him. Good and very worthwhile exchanges to join Him, the keeper and sustainer of my heart  – but still difficult.

So many shoes to keep track of, especially for one like me who owns fairly simple shoes, and not a lot of those!

So……..it seemed very unlikely we’d be “taking a vacation” this year. Our usual vacations of late have been the drive to visit Mom/Dad or work around the home. Neither is likely with Don’s condition. By God’s grace in placing our need in the heart of a couple, we received an invitation to spend some time in their cottage up near the St Lawrence River. By God’s grace we were able to find someone to care for the dog/bird last minute. By God’s grace Jordon and my work schedules worked out that we could leave. By God’s grace we took the long drive up there. By God’s grace, the couple not only gave abundantly of this beautiful cottage to provide shelter, opportunity to rest, renew, and receive abundantly, but they had collected some money from others who desired our time to be enjoyed freely without spending time on food prep, time to explore the area and enjoy some of the sights without financial restrictions. it truly was an exceeding, abundant time of refreshing. An exceeding abundant outpouring of grace. Of rest. Of peace. Of breathing in the stillness, the goodness of God. Of breathing out, and not holding my breath waiting for another shoe. A time of reflecting on the shoes before me and putting them in perspective. Times of going bare-footed and breathing, walking freely. Grace

Somehow each of these shoes are called

grace. In what they limit. In what new paths they cause me to tread. Paths that bring me closer to Him. Shoes not dropped to harm, but to bring hope. Shoes I can embrace from the heart of a God that embraces me. As exceeding as the shoes have been, His grace has been exceedingly, abundantly MORE. Above all I ask or think. Grace within each moment. Grace surrounding each detail. Grace to breathe. Grace within each breath. Grace upon grace……………..

For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!], since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting. 2 Cor 4:17,18

Lord, help me focus on You, the God of all hope, God of all grace. The gracious God. What comes from Your hand is to benefit, to strengthen, to encourage, to bring fullness of life – abundant – to bring glory on earth as it is in heaven. So as I put on the shoes, I breathe Your grace. I want to walk with honor wherever these may take me. Stride-by-stride, side-by-side with You.