Author: Cindy

Lord God,

Hear my prayer expressed from the depths of my soul and lifted to You in a form not unlike Habakkuk 3:17-19.  A prayer acknowledging my perspective and somewhat of a lament. A prayer looking at the waves, not wanting to sink and looking to You beckoning to me – and reaching for Your outstretched Hand. Toward me. Inviting me. Lifting me. Holding me.

Even though in reality we daily we deal with Don’s chronic condition, where:

      -the pain is persistent both day and night with no consistent relief in sight (consistently persistent, but not persistently consistent);

      -griefs are more than I can say as life’s dreams and lost opportunities fade with each passing day;

      -I’ve lost count of things, people and plans I’ve had to let go, wanting to say yes, but needing to say no

      -feelings of isolation are compounded by those who are well-meaning but lack well-understanding.  (Yet how could they? We each have our own path to travel and others travel paths of suffering, the reality of which I truly cannot imagine)

      – energy and time wanes though duties wax and pile high, bringing with them another deep weary soul sigh

      – seemingly endless trips to the doctor or Emergency Room produce not answers …..   but more questions;

 

                    HOWEVER ———— Troubles within or without – it matters not.

 This is my declaration of trust and hope in You alone.

 BECAUSE of this I will choose to draw near, sending roots deep into the soil of faith,

DESPITE this I will choose to feed on the manna of Your Word

ALTHOUGH THIS challenge is wearying I choose to call upon Your grace which is deeper, stronger and all encompassing,

EVEN SO I choose to listen to Your voice above the thunderous storm, above the threatening doubts and fears

SO…. I whole-heartedly declare

YET WILL I TRUST YOU –

I choose to rejoice in You, the Lord and the God of my salvation.

I choose to rest my wavering hope on the absolute, unshakable truth that You, God, are my Helper, my shield, my strength.

I choose to set my eyes upward as You alone are the Wise and purposeful One Who holds the answers to the questions, You hold me to comfort in the dark and early morning hours; You alone gather my tears, abate my fears, renew my strength physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

I will set my heart and hope and wait on You – YOU are God alone.

On this truth I stand. I am Yours, YOU are mine and I am kept safely by Your Hand,  in Your Hand – a Hand that is always purposeful, eternally loving, tirelessly mighty and flawlessly tender. Held together by You. Held together with You.

An elderly friend of mine has been in the process of moving to a retirement community. It has been stressful to downsize, to make decisions regarding placement and disbursement of her belongings, and very wearying on a physical and emotional level. Just before leaving home to help her to pack, I had a strong compulsion to bring her something that would be meaningful to her, to strengthen her spiritually and encourage her emotionally. I looked around at my things, praying for what I could bring or even pick up along the way there but nothing stood out. Food? Flowers? A book? None of these would meet her immediate need, and I realized that I had nothing to give her that would meet her true need.

“Lord,” I cried, “what can I bring to her? I have nothing.”

“Cindy, your hands may feel empty but your heart is not. Abide in Me. You have Me to bring. I am everything she needs.”

As I pondered these words, the prayer of Arwen in Lord of the Rings echoed in my mind. Frodo was in great need physically and his life was fading as she was desperately trying to bring him to the help he needed.

 

                           Arwyn “Whatever grace is given me, let it pass to him…”

 

God then reminded me of some conversations I had in the past. Others in similar times of stress told me that God’s presence in strength, in gentle wisdom and in peace was present as I was with them. I didn’t do or bring anything of myself, I clearly knew, but His gracious presents were available as I brought them awareness of the Presence of God.

 

“Lord, may Your gifts of strength in her need, Your wisdom in decisions, Your peace and comfort in her stress be evident as we are together. I don’t want to rely on my own strength but on Yours, for without You I truly bring nothing. I don’t want to do anything of myself. Fill my hands, my heart, my words with only what You bring through my vessel. Whatever grace is given me, let it pass to her.” I prayed. “Amen.”

Amen means “so be it” and is more than just an ending to a prayer. It is a stamp affirming and concluding with surety of what has been stated or sought.

 

And God tangibly added His ‘Amen’ that night, graciously pouring out His Presence and His Presents to both of us. I marvel at His grace and creativity. While packing together, her stress in decisions wasn’t draining her but draining away from her. My stress in feeling like I had to bring something, do something, to fix it all also faded away and life and lightness was renewed to both of us. After all, He created all things, all life, from ‘nothing’, yet breathed His very life into us. And shines His light through our clay vessels. And as we share His life, His presence, His breath, we make His joy complete. It is an act of worship, a reflection of the Giving-ness of God. In us. Through us. And we find great joy in the process!!

I love how God’s expressions of Himself and His nature are uniquely displayed in His kids so we can bear His likeness. That in itself is a picture of grace – the receiving of His ‘DNA’. As His child, it is not a thing that could we have earned or achieved, but is all completely from and of Him!

 

Thank You, Lord, that we are never truly ’empty-handed’ when we abide in You, bringing You with and in us. You provide all sufficient grace that is needed in such a custom-designed way. God’s divine grace wrapped in mortal flesh, the extraordinary spiritual life of God delivered through the ordinary physical life of His people. You are our joy. You are our Amen!

 

In light of recent Supreme Court decisions, I wonder what the implications will be, what changes to our society. I see fractioning and polarization. Fear-based responses, anger-based reactions. And yet, despite the possible societal changes, there are things personally that I dare not change. I will choose to continue to seek and follow the example of Christ, loving God, loving others. One of my favorite life verses is, ^“ And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and dwelled (tabernacled, fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth.^{” John 1:14 Amplified}

John’s use of the Greek ‘tabernacled’, suggests to me several things.

–     The tabernacle was designed and purposed  to be the visible, earthly ‘housing’ of the Shekinah glory of God.  As am I.

–     The tabernacle was a temporary structure, not separate from, but nestled among, alongside, and within the community, thus by its presence and purpose impacting it. As am I.

–     The glory/splendor of the presence of God served to guide, comfort and be an identifying mark of the people gathered by Him. As am I.

Christ became flesh for many reasons, but stated here, tabernacled and dwelled among us SO THAT we could see and experience the glory of God, literally in-the-flesh. SO THAT we could behold – ‘contemplate, observe intently, especially to interpret something (grasp its significance).. so as to impact (influence) the viewer.’* Jesus was on display, as the manifest glory, majesty, goodness, and splendor of the Almighty Creator Father God.

What set Him apart in their eyes? He came full of grace and truth. Full – focused, undistracted, purely permeated, abounding in and completely occupied with:

–          Grace – favor and kindness. The Greek renders it: ‘freely extended to give Himself away to people; favor, disposed to, inclined, favorable towards, leaning towards to share benefit“) and

–          Truth – ‘not merely truth as spoken; truth of idea, reality, sincerity, truth in the moral sphere, divine truth revealed to man, straightforwardness.* [Personal side note: It doesn’t state He came full of grace and law, which was already given – ^17 ‘For while the Law was given through Moses, grace (unearned favor and spiritual blessing) and truth came through Jesus Christ.’ The ‘supernatural-becoming-natural’ reality of morally, internally living out of law is truth. ‘In ancient Greek culture, (aletheia) was synonymous for “reality” as the opposite of illusion*. Hmm, could the illusion be in determining which laws to follow and/or enforce upon others, or possibly having an external image of a law-abider, rather than internally embracing the principle at heart-truth level?]

Jesus came –  demonstrating the love of God, declaring and freely living and revealing the Truth of God, displaying the works of God. He did so inclined toward others, leaning toward them, not standing with arms crossed and fingers pointed. Not calculating who deserved it. Nor shrinking back, but embracing others with grace, embracing the fullness of truth (for isn’t He the Truth – that sets us free? Free from the bondage of self, of sin, of shame, of Satan’s deception?) I believe it was His compassion toward others that provided the environment for His authority to declare the Truth among them.  Imagine being confronted with the promise and hope found in solid, eternal Truth, delivered by His face of compassion. He was loving and gracious – and simultaneously real, boldly living and proclaiming the truth. Not acting on His own behalf, but God’s. Not in His own name, but in the name of the Father.

‘Truth’ delivered in an army tank is generally sent from self-centeredness – centered on fear, pride, judgment, desire for control. And elicits the same defensive and/or offensive posture in the receiver. The message gets lost. Can truth really be packaged this way?

The message of Truth delivered in a florist vehicle – or even just an ordinary, everyday vehicle – is an invitation, not a threat of attack. And is more likely to be received, no matter what the outcome.

And as He was called to do this, so am  I.

As He was sent and commissioned, so am I.

As people experienced the glory of God wrapped in flesh, inclined toward them through His life, so I, too, am God-in-the-flesh to others. Not my own ideas and words, but only those He speaks. Not my actions, but only as I see Him act. Just like Him. So others can see Him too. And can see His glory!

I wonder what would happen if the people in our world were to behold and capture the glory and presence of God among them through His children, truly leaning toward them with favor and spiritual blessing, sharing the glorious truth that frees and releases life with God towards them? Now is the time to be that incliner and leaner – inclined toward and leaning on God, leaning toward others, permeated distinctively with both favor and truth. Joyfully living the Truth of God, demonstrating the love of God, displaying the works of God.

So be it, Lord.

*HELPS Word studies

https://youtu.be/oSJoMvr3ToQ

 

 

Today’s conversation in the car – June 2, 2015

Jordon: “I really like going to CADD, Journeys and Joni & Friends because they accept me and are understanding of people like me. I don’t always get that from others. Know what I mean?”

Mom: “Yes. And I am glad for them, too.”

Jordon: “But you don’t go there.”

Mom: “Let me tell you something about being a Mom. Moms feel every pain and injury their kids do – in a very deep, sacred place in their heart. They feel every joy and accomplishment in the same place. When others receive you, its like they receive me as well. When they don’t, then they don’t receive me either. It’s like I am with you, in my heart, wherever you go. As your Mom I would do anything, even to my own hurt, to see you successful, joyful, well-received. This goes even when you make some poor choices, even when you hurt me – my love for you wells up from that deep, sacred place and goes on and on. So I am very happy that you feel like you belong there, that you fit in. It makes me truly happy, too.”

 

And it’s so like God to speak to me through the words that come from my mouth – my heart: “Cindy– you only know and experience love because I am love, because I first loved you, and even the capacity for it is because you are fashioned in My image. So… let me tell you something about being your Father. I feel every pain and injury you do – in a very deep, sacred place in My heart. I feel every joy and accomplishment in the same place. When others receive you, its like they receive Me as well. When they don’t, then they don’t receive Me either. I am with you wherever you go. As your Heavenly Father I have given all to see you live life to the full,  fruitful,  joyful. This goes even when you make some poor choices, even when you hurt Me – my love for you wells up from that deep, eternal sacred place and goes on and on. So I am glad to see you blessed and joyful, discovering where you fit in your place in My purposes.

Let this ‘knowing’ of love in that deep place as a mother that you feel toward Jordon and your family be a reminder to you so that you need never question My devoted love and commitment to you. There is no way you can earn it – no way you can lose it. It is abiding in that deep and sacred place that no one can take away. It is ruthless and tender, My love for you. Unchanging. Ever-lasting. Faithful. Unconditional…. yours.”

I love you….. forever……

Dear God,

            Tonight Mommy’s friend came over. I like it when we have company. I told her all about the bugs I have in my bug catcher and even took one out so she could see it up real close. It was funny seeing her look cross-eyed, so I did it again. When she backed into the couch, I laughed.

            Mommy told me to stop so I did. I wondered if Mommy’s eyes would look cross-eyed like Mrs. Lila’s so I put the bug in her face, too. She told me to say I’m sorry.

            I told Mrs. Lila I was sorry and then hugged her real hard on her neck, but I think I hurt her. I felt bad, so I hugged her again but this time I squeezed on her waist and tried to hang down like a monkey. It was fun, but I guess I did wrong – Mommy sent me to my room. She said she’d talk to me about it.

            Even when I try to do the right thing, I end up doing something wrong. God, do You think everything I do is wrong?

 

 

Dear __________________________________,(fill in name)

          Even when others don’t understand what you are thinking, I do. In fact, I know what you will think about – even before the thought comes into your head! People see what you do and hear what you say, but I can look right into your heart and know why you do what you do! Does it help to know I understand? Because I do and I always want you to remember that I love you just the way you are and will help you so that others can see the real you, too!

 

Love,

 

God

 

 

“… And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue it until it is finally finished ….”   Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

 

Point to understand – This may sound age-appropriate for a preschooler (this is actually about a pre-teen), but developmental delays often accompany autism, and this behavior has no age limits…..They need compassion, not judgment