After months of waiting, we finally saw a specialist in Philadelphia who came highly recommended by the pain management doctor at Hershey. He is one of few who treat chronic pain through a particular type of infusion. He is very hopeful that this procedure will bring relief for Don. After 4 years of being in persistent, unrelenting pain and seeking various forms of relief, we thank God for hopeful news, knowing His hand is the one who ultimately brings strength and healing. We are thankful for the many who have sought to help along the way. Thankful for this promising possibility. Thankful for the Promiser of all Hope.
This procedure will be up to 3 weeks in duration while he is admitted to the hospital in Philadelphia. Which is approximately 2 hours from home. Because of needs at home with my kids, my mother, and other duties, I will be traveling to and from, with occasional overnights over the course of the 3 weeks. And so it begins….
“Make sure you wear warm enough clothes for work, clear the ramp of snow, feed the pets…..”
“Make sure you check on Nana. Here are some names and numbers if you need help. These are possible meals….”
Lists of things for the ‘kids’ to remember, lists of things for me to remember. Dare I trust them to follow what I’ve taught them, thinking about how I would handle things if decisions arise so things run smoothly? Is this how Jesus felt as He was preparing His followers for His departure? Trying to take them into unknown places when they didn’t know what was ahead, knowing only that He wouldn’t be there? Leaving them with so much more than they could grasp? Trusting them to make their own mistakes and get up and begin again? How did You leave them and be at such peace, Lord? “Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] (John 14:27) Wow! The Amplified version really hits me between the eyes!
Because already the unsettledness, the inner conflict has begun, foreseeing that when I’m with Don I will feel like I need to be here. Knowing when I am here I will feel like I need to be with Don. What if this doesn’t bring about the expected results for him? What if he needs me and I’m here? Can my heart stretch the 2 hour distance? My energy?
“Cindy, rest assured that I AM WITH YOU. I am with Don. I am with Jordon and Karisa. I am with Mom. I span all distance, all time, any limitation you feel. Abide with ME and you will be at rest.”
“But, Lord, this doesn’t look restful to me….”
“Cindy, I am never anxious, never frantic, never tired. As you put your trust fully in Me, you can be in that restful, sacred place where I dwell with you. Faith in Me means to inwardly rest assured. Assured that I have it all in My capable…Willing…Strong…Tender…Loving hands. Place it all in My hands, daughter. I will take care of it. I will take care of them. I will take care of you. You can rest assured in My promises. It is My pleasure! But remember: True rest is not passive. It is being mindful of Who I Am in the midst of unrestful circumstances. This is where the test of rest exists. This is where you overcome. Not when things are going according to your plans. And not focusing on the ‘what ifs.’ Trust Me, Cindy, My nature, My power, My love – and you will see Me, and know Me, in the midst of it all – with you. Trust Me enough to follow My lead and leave the results with Me.”
“I am looking, Lord. I am trusting. I am seeking to rest assured. To be still and know You are God. Help my fluttering emotions, my weak knees. I want an undivided heart that’s found only in You. Bless Don with rest, with strength, with healing power. Bless those at home with rest, with grace, with resolve. Thank You that Your wings carry and cover all of us.”